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08 December 2005

Vents Of Frustrations...

Is getting a divorce a bad thing?
How about breaking off an engagement?

I dunno abt ppl, but i feel dat when ppl noe that u belong to these two categories, u will feel inferior... u will feel dat everything happens because of u... u will start to feel small... u will tend to avoid ppl jus because u dun wan to answer any of their questions... u will think dat ppl hv a diff perception of u now...

How i noe, u may ask... well, i do belong to the latter category.. my status change suddenly to be someone who had the engagement broken off... n mind you, i am the one who broke it off... yes, i admit it, i m the one...

n i noe usually ppl will look differently at the one who initiate it... 'she la, who broke it off..' 'aiya, dunno leh, but i noe ah she start first' 'oh, she the one la who hurt him' 'girls nowadays ah, dare to do all this u noe' 'she no shame ah, pity the parents' n bla bla bla...

i heard all of dat... my ears like wanna explode sriusly... theres even one time when i dun even feel like going out of my house... why cant they understand dat things jus happen... worst of all, its not as if it affects them much! blardy hell!

but i noe i hv some frens n families who do support me from bhind, who accepts me n my decisions n who is willing to listen to me n not pre-judge me... i appreciate them n value them a lot... without them i dun think i can survive this far...

year 2005 is coming to an end... much has happen in the 2nd half of the yr, n i dun wish it to re-happen again... look forward, dats wat i always tell myself... true, i often cry myself to sleep.. true, i feel lonely at times.. true, i feel as if i jus wanna bang on the wall n smash my mirror... but i noe dat no matter wat life stil goes on...

for those who stil hv that burning question in ur mind, lemme clear it for u.. there is no 3rd party involved, its between me n him which i dun think is a problem of urs... n no, i m not attached now, i m not seeing anyone at all... i m stil single n building my life as i wan it to be...

if u r stil not satisfied wif dat, blame me all u wan then.. i dun care.. anymore....

~ peace : love : empathy ~